You’re own worst enemy

Vitamin \'T\', yesterday

Yup that time in wee wee hours when you really should be in bed, or working, (you know, filing flight plans, you idle bastards), but find yourself drawn to the quieter corners of the interweb and reading the ‘trivia’ sections of forums.

Here you’ll find the quaintly titled threads, ‘currently drinking’, etc with all the bonhomie of the regular posters, contributing with the same eager desperation as the bloke at the back of the bog queue who’s ‘touching cloth’, and anxiously hopping foot to foot.

So no great surprise to locate a thread entitled, ‘currently inserting’. Having exhausted the ‘listening to’, ‘eating’, ‘drinking’, ‘riding’, ‘watching’, ‘licking’ et al genres, our bold cyber heroes have now found a new sport to amuse themselves with.

Cue the Youchoob vids. Gaggles of strange shirted men, wearing chino trousers all frenetically shaking their cans of ‘Vitamin T’ before the ‘chosen one’ gets to have inserted, forcefully, as far as I could make out, a single 500ml blue bomber. Needless to say this Vitamin ‘T’ enema seems a particularly effective way of cutting out the ‘middle man’ so to speak, no longer do you even have to brave the tinny, Alclad, taste of the yellow muck.

Judging appears to consist of marks for ‘plume’, ‘coverage’, ‘color’, and last but not least, ‘distance’. Its a brave person mind, though clearly a very close friend of the participants, whom has the unenviable task of ‘ring pulling’ from the gaggle of upturned bums, bobbing away like peaches, in a fairground game bucket.  Sou’Wester clad and ducking the plumes of golden foam our chino wearing hero, skillfully weaves his way through the participants. The view from the shoreline looks as though a small but perfectly formed school of Minke Whales, has come up for air, simultaneously venting, as one.

Still the opportunity to get out in the fresh air will be a real treat for some, the usual habitat being a clapped out van, usually a Ford Transit, blacked out windows, with a piss stained mattress and empty beer cans in the back.

That reminds me, it’s nearly half way through the year and Ruke and myself haven’t spent a soiree, in a mountain layby fending off Dolgellau’s resident ‘canine’ experts. We must see to that again soon.

Next week we’ll be back at BAe Dynamics Hatfield, with ‘I’m currently nailing mine to a …’

 

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