Archive for December, 2008

We Can Work it Out

Posted in birds, film, food, Humour, life, photography, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on December 25, 2008 by norvenmunky

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It’s that day again! The early morning broken only by the sound of silence, the Nintendo DS being a particularly effective ‘OFF’ switch for the volume control of small children.

So at 08:00 hours we were wondering, laying in bed, and contemplating the day ahead. We’d got a frozen Turkey, and I don’t mean a forum member realising they’ve just made a spectacularly daft  posting regarding Hornby’s 2009 releases,  but a chicken type thing.

Fortunately this year I remembered to de-frost it in sufficient time and also took the giblets out. A few years ago I was guilty on both counts of:

A/  Failure to provide a cooked turkey

B/ Filling the kitchin with the smell of burnt plastic, offal and, when I     realised what I’d done, brown adrenaline.

Anyway back to the bedroom,  and the ‘mission planning’ not forgetting ‘basting the Turkey’, for the day ahead. Times, ETA’s all under review, and Mrs NM lets slip that the packaging, including the weight of said bird, (Turkey not Mrs NM) is in the bin.  So a short sharp ‘discussion’ takes place, where Mrs NM mentions that not all of her skills are appreciated or used. Fine I says, perhaps you’d like to dust off the old ‘skip surfing’ skills then? The packaging now having lived at the bottom of a wheely bin for 24 hours, with assorted offal and all manner of household shite half a week old.  Unsurprisingly she declined.

So we had a bird of unknown weight, well one, the other was keeping quiet, that we had to determine the weight of to cook. Not having kitchen scales up to the task a science lesson that ‘The Berg’ would have been proud of ensued.

Turkey was placed on a piece of wood balanced see-saw style over a rolling pin. Small children were despatched to all corners of the kitchen to find items of ‘known’ weight.  Unfortunately the rabbit (as in rabbit), was rejected due to the actual weight of the rabbit being unknown. I personally think the rabbits weight is known, its just it’s a female so even if it told us, odds are, it’d be lying. Once said items were balanced on the other end and equilibrium had been achieved the Turkey was cuffed, stuffed and sorted.

Just before christmas I went to London for a few ‘sharpeners’. As usual it was a good night, and resulted in a wallet litening by Calumet. I was thinking about the New Canon G10 compact, and after passing by Tottingham Court Road, Hammy dragged me up a small back passage way in Soho. There a bloke made me an offer I couldn’t refuse, and sweaty palmed I emerged from his premises with it wrapped in a black plastic bag.

I wish I’d been able to get it out later on, as whilst downing a pint at the Lamb and Flag, we watched a young lady try to get out of a building, a Stage and Theatrical agents no less.

Lamb and Flag

Lamb and Flag

Needless to say the full length glass door wouldn’t open, and she was trying to get our attention to help. We ‘helped‘ by shouting ‘Is it a film?’ as she mimed pressing a door bell next to us. ‘The great escape?’, ‘Escape from Alcatraz?’, ‘Midnight Express?’ fortunately before she started swearing too loudly a ‘Luvvie’ came to her rescue and released her into the wild’s of Londons west end.

And then we went home.

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