Archive for November, 2009

You Gotta Go There To Come Back ..

Posted in Humour, life, media, recycling, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on November 23, 2009 by norvenmunky

Chew's been in trap three again ...

While the rest of the world is grabbing the space race firmly by the horns, UK PLC has cheekily stolen a huge leap forward. Our redneck pals from the U S of A have to no great surprise chosen a high profile approach. They’ve fired a bloody big rocket at it to smash bits of it off to see if it has frozen water, no doubt Dr. Jeremy Clarkson was their technical advisor, and this from the country that previously brought you the Manhatten Project. Well predictably the Brits have taken a more laid back less gungho approach, our previous best efforts being a machine that goes to Mars and does cock all, and Atomic Kitten. For the first time in our history we have got the lead in the number of our citizens that have become astronauts, and frankly we’re likely to stay that way for some considerable time. Even more surprising is that they are not all suntanned demi-gods from Top-Gun test pilot school in Miramar, with perfect teeth, but have come from Bristol.
Bristol, “The city where they don’t bury their dead, they prop them up in bus shelters”. Taking the easyJet low cost approach to our scientific endeavours, our thousands of astronauts have been plucked from obscurity, or more accurately a municipal landfil site, to be packed into an aloominum choob and launched into outer space. A bit like Friday’s EZY6051 then.

The worms have been carefully selected for the mission and will be exposed to conditions in space for four days. No details of the selection process have been released yet, its not clear if it was a written application process, Name, Brian Worm. DOB, Dunno I’ll ask the other end see if he/she knows, Occupation, Worm, Qualifications, Pink and Wiggly, AC/DC. At the very least they’re partially qualified for cabin crew. Or alternatively a talent show, where they have to perform in front of three industry experts and a vet to assess their ‘worming’ skills.

Scientists hope the worms will help them work out why astronauts’ muscles get really weak when they’re in space. Contrary to popular belief its not because they all lounge around saying, ‘That’s not my job, I’m avionics/engines/airframes’ etc etc. Now I may not be a scientist, but my guess is that due to the lack of gravity, and a new found ability to throw Katyana the 320lb ‘girly’ cosmonaut from one end of the space station to the other, without any significant physical effort, could be key factors in this muscle wastage.

Katyana, 2nd Left, Belarus National Football Team Cheerleaders 2009 Run Forest!, run as fast as you can!.

That and the fact they are on live TV feed into Cape Canaveral 24/7, reduces the opportunity to whack one off unseen (allegedly).

Still the worms apparently, after four days in outer space, will be drugged up for their return. Once they’ve helped the scientists by filling in a questionaire on their return, they’ll be returned to the site they came from. And their mates won’t believe a word of it. “So you were kidnapped, taken to a spaceship, fired into outer space and then, after four days experimenting on you, they drugged you up and brought you back here?” That’ll be the EZY6052 back.

Bristol, Britains answer to Area 51 …

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