Archive for the recycling Category

You Gotta Go There To Come Back ..

Posted in Humour, life, media, recycling, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on November 23, 2009 by norvenmunky

Chew's been in trap three again ...

While the rest of the world is grabbing the space race firmly by the horns, UK PLC has cheekily stolen a huge leap forward. Our redneck pals from the U S of A have to no great surprise chosen a high profile approach. They’ve fired a bloody big rocket at it to smash bits of it off to see if it has frozen water, no doubt Dr. Jeremy Clarkson was their technical advisor, and this from the country that previously brought you the Manhatten Project. Well predictably the Brits have taken a more laid back less gungho approach, our previous best efforts being a machine that goes to Mars and does cock all, and Atomic Kitten. For the first time in our history we have got the lead in the number of our citizens that have become astronauts, and frankly we’re likely to stay that way for some considerable time. Even more surprising is that they are not all suntanned demi-gods from Top-Gun test pilot school in Miramar, with perfect teeth, but have come from Bristol.
Bristol, “The city where they don’t bury their dead, they prop them up in bus shelters”. Taking the easyJet low cost approach to our scientific endeavours, our thousands of astronauts have been plucked from obscurity, or more accurately a municipal landfil site, to be packed into an aloominum choob and launched into outer space. A bit like Friday’s EZY6051 then.

The worms have been carefully selected for the mission and will be exposed to conditions in space for four days. No details of the selection process have been released yet, its not clear if it was a written application process, Name, Brian Worm. DOB, Dunno I’ll ask the other end see if he/she knows, Occupation, Worm, Qualifications, Pink and Wiggly, AC/DC. At the very least they’re partially qualified for cabin crew. Or alternatively a talent show, where they have to perform in front of three industry experts and a vet to assess their ‘worming’ skills.

Scientists hope the worms will help them work out why astronauts’ muscles get really weak when they’re in space. Contrary to popular belief its not because they all lounge around saying, ‘That’s not my job, I’m avionics/engines/airframes’ etc etc. Now I may not be a scientist, but my guess is that due to the lack of gravity, and a new found ability to throw Katyana the 320lb ‘girly’ cosmonaut from one end of the space station to the other, without any significant physical effort, could be key factors in this muscle wastage.

Katyana, 2nd Left, Belarus National Football Team Cheerleaders 2009 Run Forest!, run as fast as you can!.

That and the fact they are on live TV feed into Cape Canaveral 24/7, reduces the opportunity to whack one off unseen (allegedly).

Still the worms apparently, after four days in outer space, will be drugged up for their return. Once they’ve helped the scientists by filling in a questionaire on their return, they’ll be returned to the site they came from. And their mates won’t believe a word of it. “So you were kidnapped, taken to a spaceship, fired into outer space and then, after four days experimenting on you, they drugged you up and brought you back here?” That’ll be the EZY6052 back.

Bristol, Britains answer to Area 51 …

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Have you met Miss Jones?

Posted in cats, dogs, environment, Humour, life, pets, recycling, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on October 11, 2008 by norvenmunky

Apparently the RSPCA has complained about North Nottinghamshire County Councils ‘Cruel’ recycling policy. Dog bins have been appearing next to normal litter bins and the council make regular trips to clear the bins of unwanted dogs.

When asked about the recycling, Miss Jones, a spokesperson, (perish the thought we find out she’s female), for NCC said we just collect them, ‘We don’t actually recycle them ourselves, thats outsourced to an approved outside contractor’. Regarding the size of the problem Miss Jones replied, ‘The number of unwanted dogs is on the increase and especially on the run up to christmas we expect the problem to get worse, unfortunately people discard their current dogs, in anticipation of receiving a newer version as a gift, its a product of our throw away society. We’ve provided these easy to use recycling points where people can dispose of their old dogs responsibly. They are compacted and recycled with household compost waist and then bagged. We sell the compost with all the profits going to The Cats Protection League.’

When asked if it were humane, the source said its a ‘Kennel to Grave’ approach to BS7750 environmental management standard. When further pressed on the matter she admitted somewhat bad temperedly that lethal injections were not provided, as it duplicated a process already covered by compacting and shredding, and they weren’t made of money due to cost cuts.

Icelands Bubble About To Burst

Icelands Bubble About To Burst

The councils costs problem has recently been exacerbated by Icelands Kerry Katona being reported missing with a large chunk of NCC’s cash, allegedly to buy more dogs.