Archive for travel

Seating (Journalists Guide to Aviation Part 2)

Posted in aviation, baa, bbc, disruption, easyjet, Humour, journalist, life, media, simon calder, travel, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 5, 2012 by norvenmunky

My old muckers at easyJet have worked out a new way to get money out of you. You can pay to have allocated seats, hoorah! What this means of course is that unlike the good old days, (before easyJet bought ‘Go’), when you bought an easyJet ticket and it had the seat number on it in a sort of ‘allocated’ styley, you can now pay for the privelidge of having that allocation. No big deal really just a cute way to make money on a LoCost airline.

This fact is needless to say lost on certain journalists whom are unable to string any coherent thought together. Ginny Weeks, whom unfortunately nails the ‘female blonde’ stereotype colors firmly to the mast with the following ‘thick as two short planks’ defining logic. Aided of course by the ability to put up for all to see a reversed image of an easyJet heavier than air machine, see below.


After a 19-hour flight from Bali trapped in seat 34E- an aisle seat three rows behind the ‘baby row’ where six (!) screaming children sat, I know all too well how a bad seat can make your journey hell… So it’s great news that easyJet is starting to make passenger comfort a priority. From November, each passenger will have a seat reserved for them, signalling a welcome end to the elbows-at-dawn, first-come first-served set up of old, which saw people scrambling for the best seats and creating stress for everyone.

Ginny darling, how the feck does booking seat 4a when you buy your ticket prevent you from sitting next to the screaming kid? All you’ve done is chosen where you are going to sit, not where anyone else is. I can imagine a few No1’s when being told ‘I didn’t buy this seat to sit near that bunch of screaming babies!’, to say, ‘I’m terribly sorry madam, but thats exactly what you did, you chose seat 4a’.

An easyJet aeroplane the right way round … (yesterday)

Mrs Smith complained about the rising fees, and said many families feel it is a “hidden charge” if they want to sit together. Mr Smith however, having closely read the terms and conditions at the time of booking, seemed satisfied with his seat allocation.

Air Traffic Slots (Journalists Guide to Aviation Part 1)

Posted in 911, air traffic control, air traffic slot, atc, aviation, ba038, baa, bbc, computer, disruption, Humour, internet shopping, journalist, life, media, September 11, simon calder, travel, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on April 22, 2012 by norvenmunky

A journalist collects and distributes news and other information

Unfortunately in NM’s experience far too many of them fall into the following genre

writing that reflects superficial thought and research, a popular slant, and hurried composition, conceived of as exemplifying topical newspaper or popular magazine writing

So not so long ago a piece appeared in a local rag bemoaning the fact that a reader posted a message on a local airport story, saying an airline could not get the ATC slots for summer flights because it does not have enough staff available to man the planes having made lots of cuts over the winter.

An ATC slot is produced via the CFMU, (thats a big building in Belgium, but thats not important at the moment,) as a function of airspace capacity. Naff all to do with airline staffing. So heres how it works …

Idiots guide to ATC slots.
Its very simple, if you have a room that holds ten idiots, you can’t put eleven idiots in the room. (much as you might like to)
Idiot number eleven has to wait until one or more idiots come out, or the room is made bigger, so the idiot (No11), gets a slot time. This is the time the idiot has to present itself to commence their journey to the room. If there’s only seven idiots in the room, then you can get three further idiots in there without restricting their progress at all, but the fourth idiot and any subsequent idiots will have to wait their turn. If that room is in fact a corridor joining two rooms, then you can only get so many idiots down that corridor at any one time, even if the room at either end has a limitless supply of idiot capacity. Therefore any idiot wishing to pass through the corridor may get a slot time for the corridor, depending on how many idiots wish to use the corridor at any given time. If there is another different corridor, joining the rooms you can send the idiots down those corridors, which may mean that the idiots will not be restricted at all.

So you can see using the above idiots guide, you should be able to see that ATC SLOTS, do not get secured by an airlines schedule, or their staffing levels, they are a tactical daily/hourly response to airspace capacity. But please don’t let inconvenient substance like facts get in the way

When Love Comes to Town

Posted in Humour, life, Uncategorized with tags , , , on March 6, 2009 by norvenmunky
A Kangaroo Yesterday

A Kangeroo Yesterday

Polish border guards said Wednesday they had foiled an attempt to smuggle kangaroos, miniature ponies and 11 pheasants in a passenger bus across Poland’s border with Ukraine.”It was a regular bus with 30 or so passengers aboard,” Poland’s national border guard spokesman Andrzej Wojcik told NM news.

“Everything seemed to be fine until we opened and the checked the passports,” he slurred added.

Spot the Difference, Ukranian styley

Spot the Difference, Ukranian styley

“You can imagine the surprise of the border guards when they found two small kangaroos, five ponies and and eleven pheasants dressed as mice,” Wojcik said. “Both the kangaroos and ponies are miniatures, measuring 50 to 60 centimetres (one foot eight inches to nearly two feet). He declined to detail had actually been measured in the confused midnight crossing.
“One of the ponies is probably pregnant,” he sheepishly added. ‘It’s a very remote border crossing after all’

The Ukrainian bus driver had insisted he did not realise he was doing anything illegal, Wojcik said. After the amount of Vodka he had drunk the night before, three kangaroos, two horses and eleven pheasants would have been entirely normal. The horses as usual would’ve kept themselves to themselves, but the Roo’s, well you know how what Aussies are like, How dy’a tell there’s an Australian in the room?, Ya don’t they’ll tell you …
He told the border guards the animals had been delivered to him by a stranger in Warsaw and were to be handed over to someone at the final destination in Lviv, Ukraine. After 3.5 litres of Smirnoff a bloke in a hat looking for a ‘safe’ border crossing for the above menagerie, again would have been entirely normal for Dimitri.

The animals were examined by veterinarians and fed by border guards, in a delightful candle lit setting. “They are in good health and will be in good hands,” Wojcik said.

We made our excuses and left ….